Broken...it is really hard and I knew sending that letter was the wrong thing. It's just so hard to balance my 180 of being more attentive, friendly and compassionate, things my W says was lacking in our M, and detaching.

Brit, you are SO correct...I did have a bit of relapse with this letter but I just thought it would make her smile...not thinking that it would remind her of our split and make her feel bad, thus continuing to blame me for all this. She actually is very family-oriented, although right now you wouldn't know it. In her mind, a D is what's right for this family, crazy in my mind but of course I can only control what I'm doing and feeling.

I never call her...email her mainly to coordinate time with kids...every now and then I'll get weak like with this letter...it's so darn hard. I wish I knew what was going on in her head. I am still doing well with GAL, I feel anyway. Reading, IC, working out, getting out...but staying busy 24 hours a day is impossible...it's those down times that get me, especially right when I wake up. I used to be able to just pop out of bed but now it's tough. It is getting a bit easier though with every passing day.

I have some great friends that have yet to isolate me because I'm that guy now. grin They have been wonderful in allowing me to vent...and all our 100% behind R. Unfortunately, most of my friends aren't mutual with W and I. My wife's a home body and has never really clicked with most of my friends, too bad. All my wife really has is her family...and I'm sure that support is splitsville...ugh!

And to my current friends all you wonderful people, thank you all so much for being there. We will all get through this together.

Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation