Brand New here, my story, my ?'s

[Ichrus]

25,
Thank you SO much for reading and your detailed response. I want to re-read and digest your thoughts a bit, but I truly get what you are saying and appreciate the "kick" in the better direction. I think my last paragraph gets to the heart of my mindset in looking at fear and the "countdown" to major moments in our lives...and I think I know that is why I am feeling a bit more panicked then I have been.

I have read the 37, and will refresh my reading tonight.

How I react to her saying she is moving forward is basically "you need to do what you feel is right, I don't agree but understand why you feel you need this". I think I have decided to be slightly off general DB opinion in that I am not actively helping W with separation or D work, but am somewhat involved in answering questions and working on details of custody and finance with her. For me, I feel she is set on this path and will do it with or without my involvement...and it will be better in keeping the road paved home smooth, and in the best interests of my kids and myself, to come to agreements on custody and support and financial issues together without going the full lawyer path.

I have and continue to make and live the changes of being the best father I can be for my girls, and know I need to be strong and a positive example for them...I am glad for that and W has noticed and said as much.

I can see how my first draft letter is too much blame and attack toward her (which is part of why I wrote it and posted first to get feedback and allow myself time to really think about it). It is from more core emotions of hurt and pain and fear, and I need to really stay on track with what is the right approach as opposed to just feelings and reactions...I would rather be happy ultimately then "right".

Yup, I was trying to be too selfish In "making" my case and trying to shame her into changes in her mind with the affects of family and kids...it just frustrates and angers me so much that our kids are going to have to go through this when I think it is not nessacary and I believe my W will eventually learn and feel that the cost of this all might be more then was worth it...but I can't controll that and can only be as strong and stable for my kids in this process as possible.

I think overall I have gotten "it" much better then in the beginning of this all...I have been more detached and do believe I will be fine without her if needed...just hitting a real hard patch lately in my mind and emotions for some reason...again, I think fear and the very real date of major changes this month are hitting me more.

Time to think and sleep on it a bit more, read some other letters, reflect, make some major edits and consider if giving her any letter at this point works toward my ultimate goals.

Again, thank you for the time and insights.