Any chance to make it work? I need advice

[sweetbabyred]

---more journaling

Three hours later and I should be asleep since I'll be up in six hours, but I had an interesting conversation with H. I don't call him and try only to text when necessary, but I do answer if he calls. H mentioned before that I'm one of the only people who will answer/respond to texts right away. I think that's because I'm his W and not just a friend, but I didn't feel like explaining all of that to him. So I don't do a 180 there, since he actually likes when I answer.

Anyway, he wanted someone to talk to and I needed to find out more about his fight with his friend, since both of them make the house payment each month. I guess his friend moved out in the last day or so and isn't sure if he plans to come back. He said he can't stand to see H acting like a single guy since we separated last year and obsessing over everything. He is offering to pay for H to start IC and he agreed so I am ecstatic over that. The friend doesn't think the 20 year old OW is right for him and doesn't want to put up with the drama.

Then H says he's not sure if he wants to try again with OW because he kind of has his eye on someone else. I said, "oh, ok, I'm not even going to ask" and he said "really?". I said that it probably wasn't anything I needed to hear about, so I wasn't going to. After a long silence, he said it was me. I asked him to repeat himself since I wasn't sure if I'd heard him correctly.

H still thinks that we need to divorce and then we could begin casually dating to see if we can begin again. I think that's pointless. I can understand a couple choosing to divorce and then coming together years later after working on themselves, but planning to divorce and start dating? That makes no sense to me. That would give him the option to date other girls since he'd be single and still see me. I don't think I'd be okay with that.

H said that he's seen the changes that I've been making and knows that I'm doing them for me, so he thinks that maybe we could make it work, but he's just not sure. So I'm definitely not getting my hopes up about this. I just hope that the counselor or his family can make him see that divorcing someone he still thinks he could be with isn't normal. We'd have to agree to "irreconcilable differences" without hope of continuing the marriage, yet we'd be planning to date again?

H could change his mind completely by tomorrow morning so I'm not trying to read too much into any of this, but I just had to write it down so that tomorrow I'll know that this conversation did actually take place.

I love him, but I'm not going to compete with 20 year old girls to see who can win him. If he wants all of that drama, he can have it and we will just have to be friends. Especially if we end up short selling the house because his friend moves out because he doesn't want to deal with the OW drama and we have to separate all of our credit, insurances, etc. I don't think I'd be especially eager to try again.

The fact that this girl cusses all the time, gets into fights, and is "rough around the edges", not to mention putting him down, makes me really wonder what he sees in her. And I can only imagine the reaction his family would have if he brought her to a family gathering! And that she's younger than his 22 year old niece and just about 9 years older than his son. What is he thinking?

I just hope this IC is good and can make him start thinking things through pretty quickly. I'm not into drama and as much as I love him, I may just have to love him from afar.