His long term complaints are: - he is basically a good guy and I don't give him enough credit - he gets a lot of respect in the community and at work and I don't appreciate him as much as people 'out there' do - once when we broke up before we were married I got pregnant by another guy I dated and had an abortion. He still mentions this frequently, because we were high school sweethearts he feels he should have been the first man to get me pregnant? Idk I still don't fully understand that. I had a miscarriage before we had our 2 kids and he blames me and the abortion for that - my parents moved across the country early in our relationship and we were young but he felt responsible for me and I guess missed out on some things, even though we had a long distance relationship for 3 years and many break ups, I guess he still felt some attachment to me - that I didnt do enough housework - that I'm jealous of his friends and friendships
I haven't tried to initiate sex in the past year was pregnant and sick and didn't feel sexy at all. I'm sure he could tell. But this has been an issue in our relationship since we got married. We both have trouble being the initiator so. It's so dysfunctional and sad.
He drank our whole marriage and that took a toll on me. He got a DUI and totaled my car. I had a LOT of anger from that. Also I was in school getting a doctorate and I was a little resentful of going to school, working 2 jobs and then still havin to be the one to organize doctors appts and services for my daughter, cook and clean AND initiate sex. I thought I should have at least got the sex for free lol. So I wasn't always pleasant or compassionate or supportive about his issues or concerns. I did not always act lovingly. I know I put more into school and our daughter than into the marriage. I was so hurt that i didn't respond well to his efforts to fix things after thr EA.Things have been difficult for a long time, since I was pregnant with my first. After she was diagnosed things went downhill fast. We argued all the time. We haven't been arguing much at all through this recent thing though. After the EA when we went to therapy for the third time, we had a great year after that. She really helped us a lot with everything. There was something about this second baby that triggered something because we were doing really well before.
I actually bought the other book Monday but it hasn't arrived yet. I've been doing some of the things outlined in DB and they are actually working somewhat.
