He now knows that we can both remain on the current loan after our D and as part of the settlement it can be stated that he no longer has any financial or other liability with respect to the house. Also, he does not want any equity out of the house. He said he will sign everything over to me.
Really? It's my understanding that, although he may sign the title over to you, if his name is still on the loan, the mortgage company will still hold him liable for the payments if you don't make them - regardless of what the divorce decree says. So - it's really foolish for a guy in a divorce to sign over the house if it hasn't been refinanced in your name only.
If he's really pushing for the refi, I suspect either he's trying to do the right thing, but wants to reduce the payments so there is less chance of you defaulting on the loan - OR he's gonna push to get his name off the new mortgage.
Are you planning on staying in the house? Can you afford the payments on your own? If not, I wouldn't refi it. Get some financial advice.
Yes, I can afford the mortgage whether we refi or not. My H has flip flopped about wanting his name off the mortgage. As far as saving money, I'm the only one who will so I don't understand why he's putting so much energy into this. When I wasn't working I wouldn't have qualified on my own and i needed a lower payment so I would have needed him to refi with me. He was unwilling at that time, even though it was best for the kids to stay in their home. I quickly got a job which changed everything. In due time I should be able to qualify on my own, so why he wants to be part of this process is perplexing. Could he want to do this because rates are low right now and he's thinking he wants to lock something in now in case we reconcile? Seriously, he has to have a motive, but what is it? I'm not asking him because it will just give him an opportunity to lie to me and put me on tilt. In the meantime, he didn't respond to my email either because he thinks he is blocked (he's not fom work) or he's annoyed at what I said.
I think the alt is FB. This is absolutely ridiculous.... If that's what it is, I don't want to friend it and then have it displayed all over as my friend.
Here's a safe way. Do you have Yahoo messenger? I dont mind putting my yahoo messenger name on because if anyone bugs me I can deny them.
If you go to some of my old threads in the archives, you will find my email address. If you both send me an email, I will then forward your emails on to each of you. Unfortunately, with the way the board is set up now, we can't provide this information to each other now in our postings.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am so upset right now! After two weeks my H finally asked S15 if he wanted to do something. So he picked him up at 3:30 so he wouldn't have to see me and, guess what, he dropped him off at 5:00! How can he see so little of his kids??? The last time he picked up the boys it was the same thing. I sense that he sees them just enough to be somewhat in their lives and then he is free to run off and be single. This is all so wrong and hurtful! My kids are being mistreated and cheated. What should I do about this? My attorney asked me to keep a calendar with the time he sees them noted, so I'm doing that. I feel like hauling his butt into court, but on what grounds? How can a person make a conscious choice to create children and then disregard them like this? I'm trying to put all of this together. A couple of weeks ago he happened to mention how he hardly ever plays poker (well that was his favorite escape when he lived here). Either he's short on money or he's smittened with a specific OW. When we first met it was at least a month before I even knew that he played poker. We spent every minute that we could together, fell in love (whatever the heck that means) and then he sprang it on me. Gradually it became a big part of his life and kept him away from me and, later, us. I must have been the classic enabler. What is going on here? I couldn't get him to stay home with us. He either wanted us to be doing something specific (something that he wanted to do) or he was off to play poker. Now he hardly ever plays? What's the reason? And if he has free time why isn't he spending it with his kids? Is he really sick enough that he's hiding his whole other life? Is this typical MLC behavior?
Yes it is typical. And just to be clear, MLC isn't a disease or disorder, it's a set of choices. Your H has clouded himself to believe that what he's doing is okay an isn't hurting the kids.
He's probably saying to himself "well it's better they see me every now and then, than never at all." There's no way to logically analyze crazy.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thanks, MrBond. I am still coming to terms with all of this. I just can't imagine not seeing my kids daily. And even though my H was preoccupied with his own interests I know he loved the boys. And when hearing about other separations/divorces he would say that he could never do that because he has to see the boys every day. Honestly, I don't know if he even feels love for them right now.
