I think in my situation, with my M, there was a difference between having a bond with my H, and holding him in bondage.
If he walked around feeling guilty about leaving me because of something happening to me, then I'm holding him in bondage. He's not here because he wants to be, he's here because he is worried something bad will happen to me.
I want my H to be with me because he sees me as his equal, his partner, his lover, etc. Not a weak woman who will die without him. If I chose to present myself as a weakened woman with MS who cannot live on my own, then I hold him in bondage to me.
As terrified as I was inside to let him walk out that door, I had to give him his freedom and let him decide. And I was horribly afraid that he was going to do just that. He was ready to go, he had a list going of things he was going to handle, with our property, our bank account, etc.
After holding on so tightly, I realized in September that holding tight was going to crush him. I had to gather my strength and tell him that he can go and that I will be OK without him.
I started back to college, started doing so much GAL that he was like a window shopper, standing on the outside of the window peering in, watching my life go forward.
As soon as I detached, he did not know what to do. When I got off of his crazy train and let him ride it alone, then all his emotions, pain, and decisions rested on him and he began to see his life without me and our D.
