I read your posts and I know what you are going through-worse, I know that it is going to be awhile. I am trying to let my w go. Let her do the things she needs to do to miss you. I can't take my w back. A D does not mean the R is over. I M my W again 5 years after we D the first time. So, don't see that as a final act. You are a planner-so plan it, and I mean plan your life without her right now.
First thing I said I need to stop doing this morning to myself and to board. But.... I called her again today. I texted again today. We spoke several times.
I have to absolutely GAL. And 180
We all are going to family counseling in a few weeks. Set that up today. W agreed to it no problem. IDK about that one. I am tired of the emotional roller coaster.
That women drives me crazy. Some days I am so ready for her to be gone. Others I would be glad if she came back. This is going to be a long haul
I really need to make a list of things that annoy me about her.
I'm not the only one that could stand some changing.
Make my list and I am sure that will make the 180 easier, and the LRT
I did take some positive steps to getting my life back. I have been reaching out to people here and there, just need to foster friendships, people do matter. I thought my family was enough. I was way wrong. Personal time with people you enjoy doing things with is a good thing.
I have not been reading the boards as much as I was in weeks past. Yesterday I did do some but not long. I really like the poster mrbond. He seems to be very on point with his recommendations. If he were to talk to me he would say give her SPACE. --ok I will.
I have made a list of things my wife does not like about me. Not sure I need to share.
Some of the points that are positive. -In general more courteous to people and my interactions, from ordering starbucks, to opening doors. I have so much to be thankful for. Some days are harder than others. But such is life I guess. -I have been clean shaven. (no macho goatee) in 2 months -As of today lost 15 pounds. -Weekly visits with a Counselor.(something I never would have done) -Turning my home into my personality.
Not much to say really, I have been trying very hard to not call or text. When I do, I try and keep things nice and easy. She recently signed a 6 month lease, so I know she will be gone for sure for awhile. My goal is to continue to work on my faults, be a great dad. I cannot pursue her. She has been telling me things about her personal life. I suspect she later regrets it, but she cannot help it she does really love me, but she is hurt, angry, and just wants space. I want to be ready when she is finally able to come to grips with everything. We all are scheduled for family counseling. I am excited to work on that.
I am struggling with the fact of how to give space and not pursue. Specifically how do I let her know the decision she is making doesn't need to happen. Lately a few of our kids friends dads have passed away. That is forever and sad, we do not have to kill our marriage. How do I not talk about the future when our future is so fixable. We have done some very amazing things together. I would like some thoughts.
