Hello, WAW. Is anyone there?

[AlwaysTrying]

My goal right now: Have W wait and observe before marching ahead with the divorce, and for her to use MC sessions or any other opportunity to explain areas that need improvement (more space, conflict resolution, etc)

I need to set my sights lower.

We W and I talked to the DB coach, W put some stuff out there, some of which I could act on right away and have. I am going to strive to reduce contact and give space.

I took most of my clothes out of the room and I'm going to finish the job this weekend if I can. I took my cell phone off of her account (which she thanked me for). I'm not sure what else.

I have a feeling W will meet me at the MC's office on 5/21 and we can discuss progress and what her other needs are.

W's birthday is Saturday. I was thinking about not attending, but I don't know if that's really possible. I've been debating on whether to get her a present. I thought I might skip out on Mother's day.


In other news, I got a message from the lawyers that the divorce is back on the books and they want to schedule a preliminary hearing. I did not let this derail my day and I was quite productive at work.

Now, I *really* don't want to be there for Mother's day. WAW fails at mothering in my book. I care about her. But I don't know how much I can ignore how much she is hurting our children with this malarkey. That's right, I said malarkey. I want to act like I'm not angry. But I am angry. And there is a primative reactive part of my brain, with a quiet but persistent voice saying, "I hate her.". It may not be mature, but it's what I'm feeling. I love her. And I hate her.