Sorry GB I should have warned you I'm a bit direct.
Well he came by tonight and was very very caring about my condition. Told me he'd done loads of research. He was supportive and really wonderful. I teased him a bit when he said don't worry a few weeks and you'll be beautiful again. He replied you've always been very beautiful I married you and I said you're still married to me and we both laughed!
While he was here GF texted him. He said hmph. And I said what? anyway he started to explain and then said sorry should I continue? He told me about their day out on Monday and I was very very calm and collected and fine with it all. I did not mention train station-gate! Another time in the future we'll laugh about it but not now. We talked before about me leaving behind the resentment now that I wasn't seeing her as an OW, it's really strange but if we were to R I don't see myself ever having to "get over" this R. When he was talking about it, it was as if he was talking about hanging out with one of his friends. I mean sure he does stuff with her he doesn't do with his friends, but the idea doesn't make me want to vomit. And I don't really think about it. In the same way I don't think of any of my other friend's bedroom activities.
The visit was good all in all.
I did wrong and brought up the change of heart. He said I don't know how to put this but as far as I'm concerned our romantic relationship has come to a close. I said I know...but I just thought I should reiterate that, well, I know if I were in your position and and the person who ended it and moved on quite quickly suddenly said we should get back together, I don't know that I would trust it or that I would believe that the change would last after a few days or a few months. He said I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to lead you on. (after he first moved out I was very upset and accused him of saying we'd possibly work on things and then doing something else) I told him I know, in the beginning I probably put you in a bad place and jumped ahead in my expectations. He said I just don't want you to be hurt. If something in the future changes that's great. But right now...I just desperately desperately want to be your friend. I said I agree...worst case scenario you're my best friend for life.
One thing I was worried is that since I had told him I had let go a month or so ago he might think I no longer had feelings for him.
positives: he complimented me a lot. He gave me a big hug at the end. When he took a phone call he told me it was his mother. I'm guessing he wanted to make sure I knew he wasn't taking a call from GF.
So I'm doing my own version of Going Dark: I'm going dark on R talk or any talk of the M.
Posting my friend list everywhere and taking care of myself.
