Need Advice -- Nearing the breaking point... AGAIN

[DBinSF]

So, how do I get back to that place of her knocking on MY door? She has kept up a semi-regular routine of touching base once or twice a month (aside from me proactively reaching out once last week, to which she responded "Funny, I had a dream about you last night.").

And a little over a month ago she asked to SEE me to get something back from her. I had offered to drop in the mail and she preferred to meet in person. We met and she said how much she WISHED we had worked it out. Then she followed that up by saying that I seem like I had really transformed during the year apart, but that she was only "scarred."

I don't know what I keep doing wrong. I made sure not to cling or be needy during that exchange, but I kept my energy open. I said I was open to whatever the future brought. At one point I was talking a lot about my "recovery" and she said I didn't need to justify myself to her. At that point, I started asking more questions about her and her family. Small talk stuff.

So, what's my next move? Continue to be nice and cordial when she pings me once/twice a month? Go dark unexpectedly? Or send her a kind but firm note that says us being in touch while I'm still in love with her and she's with OM is not fair to either one of us?

I just so wish this was over. I miss that little monkey so much...

SF