Hi to you all, I have just stumbled across DB in my never ending search for nfo to save my marriage and by far this looks like it has the most promise. I have ordered 2 of Michelles books but as I live in Australia they will take sometime to arrive and I believe I need help soon or there will be nothing left to salvage.
The story so far. About 5 months ago my wife of 8 years (together 10, we have two small kids aged 4 and 18 months) came to me and said she was unhappy in the marriage, gave me the I love you but not in love with you line and said she wants to separate so she can move on and find a better life. This shocked me completely, I knew we were not at the peak of our marriage powers but I did not know she was this unhappy. We wnet to two councilling sessions which were not helpful and my wife canned the rest. She now has no interest at all in reconcilliation and only talks of when she will move out.
Since the announcement I have done every bad thing that many others have talked about on here such as pushing her to try date nights, arguing and fighting about why she wont try to fix the marriage, pleaded, begged and cried often. I have ried to get her to read a bunch of articles on the internet about marriage and making things work. My low point came when I installed spyware on her computer to gain access to her facebook so I could snoop and see if there was an OM involved and to keep tabs on what she was really saying to others. Unfortunately by doing this I found what I interpreted as flirtatious messages between her and a guy she see at her gym. I exploded and sent him a message telling him to back off and confornted her causing a massive fight that has ended any chance of reconcilliation. Looking back the mesages were fairly inocuous and I massively overeacted but the damage has been done.
For the past 6 months to a year my wife has been increasingly leading an independent life. She goes to the gym every night for minimum 1.5 to 2 hours and she is training to compete in a figure competition for muscle bound heroes or some such. Basically as soon as I get home from work she packs up and leaves me to feed, bath and put the kids to bed, which I love doing as I love my kids more than anything and cause I work shifts and long hours I dont see them as much as I would like to. She does not work and spends a good part of her day on facebook talking to people who do nothing but tell her to get out ASAP.
I know now that I have pushed her too hard too fast and should have given her time and space but at the time it seemed if I did that she would just up and leave and never come back.
Please can anyone give me some advice as to what steps I should take to save my mariiage. As I said the books are on their way but if there are things I can do in the interim to get the ball rolling I want to start them and hopefully keep my family togther.
