This board and you people have saved my life hundreds of times in little and big ways over the past four months since my sitch began. I wanted to tell you how grateful I am for all of you and how much I've learned from you guys. This is my first post but I feel like you're family to me.
In early Feb, H-we have been together 20 years, married 15, no kids, two dogs-said he is looking for his own place. In late Jan., we had talked about how he was never home and that I was unhappy at being left by myself until 9 or 10 every night every night since Oct. We had a discussion that began with me saying, surely you can't be happy either and he responded with the shocker, yes, not happy, I think we're done. We should never have gotten married, I think of you as a friend only.
Of course, I did everything wrong at first until I found this board: pleaded for counselling, suggested we get away to talk, hugging him and telling him ILY. We have in 20 years never been so upset with each we slept apart or walked out on each other in a fight. We began sleeping separately, entirely his choice.
I found MWD and read DB and DR and began detaching and GAL. He was very withdrawn, hated being in the same room as me, very uncomfortable in my presence. I asked whether there was someone else, he denied it.
Over Easter weekend, I found proof that he had brought OW to our weekend home and our house while I was out of town for work. The OW left behind an article of clothing. He admitted an EA, said he felt connected to her, that same day he told me he had found an apartment an hour away near where OW lives and was leaving in six days.
He did. That was one month ago. We have had NC since in person. Corresponded by email over bills and taxes. I don't answer when he asks how I'm doing. I am keeping love in my heart for him and peace in my thoughts. Whether this is depression, MLC, affair addiction, etc. I'm not sure but I do know my peace of mind is crucial to me.
My question that I hope you guys can answer: Since he's been gone, twice in the last two weeks I've been receiving phone calls in the middle of the night. Someone who hangs up once I pick up the phone. During the last 6 weeks H was at home, he would disappear for hours, from 9 in the morning on Sat until past midnight and the same thing on Sun then go to work M to F. I asked whether he was on drugs, he denied it. Said he wasn't seeing OW. Just out walking and thinking.
Given these strange calls and the fact that OW may, imo, have left her clothing there on purpose for me to find, I want the keys to our house back from him. I don't trust who H is now, what new friends he may have made, don't trust OW.
At the same time, when he left, I told him, this will always be his house leaving the road home paved and smooth, as they say. Any thoughts on how to get the keys back and my sense of feeling safe in my own home while at the same time being detached but DB-ing?
