I like to explain myself fully so this may ramble on a touch but please bare with me!!
I had been with my now ex GF for 7.5 years and have 2 amazing kids S7 and D4, and was blissfully unaware of any "real" issues in our relationship - we got on well, rarely argued, regular holidays and good family and friends around us.
Out of the blue in January she dropped the ILYBNILWY bomb and declared she was leaving as she was "not happy anymore" after I found that she had been looking for places to rent online.
The last 4-5 months have been the worst of my life, an emotional rollercoaster that shows no sign of slowing down right now.
I made all the standard mistakes and have continued to beg, plead, cry, send letters and texts wish I know has probably only turned her further away from me.
I did reach a point in March when I had backed off and then got a call from her to say that she thought she might want to make things work - went out on one date and then she changed her mind again which sent me hurtling back to square one.
I initially went into blame mode and poured all the anger, fear and frustration onto my ex - accusing her of abandoning the family, not trying, giving up, putting herself before anyone else - the first 2 months were an awful time for both of us and our kids who took things very hard, she was (and with educated hindsight still is) a fantastic mother.
These feelings were not helped by her being unable to explain why she was so unhappy "its just something inside me that I cant explain right now" "I need to do this to be happy" etc etc
I have rocked from one theory to the next - "she missed out on her youth settling down so young" "she doesnt want to be a mum anymore" "is there another man" - but over the last few weeks our dialogue and this site have introduced me to the WAS "syndrome" and all of a sudden it hit home.
I always thought of myself as a good catch - good job, a good dad, trustworthy and faithful, but I had become complacent that all the material things we had were enough to keep us together forever.
Since the split my ex had accused me of "not treating her like a gf" and not doting on her whilst we were together and now I have had time to reflect and think things over I can see all the times when I had done this, when I belittled her feelings (I got engaged but then told her I had no desire to get married, when I really and truly did not treat her for what I now realise she is - the most important person in my world (daughter apart).
I have shown her some details of the WAW syndrome and she agrees that this is what has happened to us - she grew tired of asking for things to change, tired of trying, and ultimately my complacency led to her switching off emotionally to the point where walking away is a more attractive option (even though she has really struggled with things aswell).
She says she cannot see us getting back together "at the moment", she still asks where I have been and who with (she now lives in a rented place whilst I am in the family home)but would not rule out getting back together at some point - stating simply that at this moment in time she cannot see a way forward for us.
To me, this is all classic WAW behaviour and my realisation of where I have gone wrong is eating away at me - if she would give me the chance to prove myself (yes, I know I had the chance when we were together)I would happily spend the rest of my life making it up to this woman.
I placed emphasis on the things I thought were important in life and paid no attention to her emotional needs.
I am starting to make positive changes, reducing the number of times I go out, spending real quality time with the kids, keeping the house immaculate (one of her gripes since we split is that I let the house go after she left and she has actually said "dont think I havent been watching to see if you change")
My question is - how do I move forward and try to win her back, I fully understand that it has to be a natural progression and not feel forced because that will not work.
I also appreciate that at the moment we are probably to early in the split to reconcile as 2 fully healed individuals ready to put the past behind us and start afresh - but I am afraid that if I do not pursue her vocally she will think I do not care and will move on to something new?
