I just don't understand how disposable and replaceable I have become to my H. I need to stop that thinking!!!
H isn't avoiding you because he has disposed of and replaced you. He's avoiding you because he feels deeply ashamed of what he has done and he can't face himself.
It's like when you break up with someone in high school, you see them walking toward you at the opposite end of the hall, and you quickly turn around and head in another direction. You're not doing that to "reject" the person, you're doing it because you're ashamed about how you've made them feel.
He is AFRAID to contact you, half because of what you might say to him to shame him, and half because of how he feels about himself due to what he has done to you.
The first half you can address by acting as if, being happy, and generally approachable when he does eventually reach out. The second half you can do nothing about except to give him space and let him get over it on his own.
Getting over it requires that he have motivation to deal with himself, it's easier to keep those feelings locked up in a dark closet. As long as OW is involved, he can keep them locked up and pretend like everything is fine -- but he knows they're there, and they creep up on him when he least expects it.
When OW is gone, or when the "in love" haze starts to fade and things start to get real, that's when he's going to start doing his own thinking.
When he does contact you, it will be important to be approachable, to be happy, and not to pepper in guilt or other shaming comments. That can be HARD but works wonders if you can pull it off. It makes you approachable versus ominous.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
