thinking on new life w/o X

[forward]

Former ILs are in town. I realized that this causes me both anxiety and some pain, when they are around.

I am not sorry I cut off contact with them, for the most part. I could not deny how much they were hurting me by supporting OW as if they had known her as long as they had known me. I did not want to sit at dinner with them pretending that nothing was going on.

I am not sure why I am anxious. I doubt I will even see them.

I guess they remind me of my past life. I did love them and realize there is some pain with losing them as well as X. Maybe I am not as "over" them as I feel w/X. When I know they are around, I find myself wondering how they are doing, and having some anticipatory responses as I used to enjoy seeing them.

But I think to myself...did X love my parents and family? I feel confident that the answer is No. I don't think he liked them and I really don't think he cares what happens to any of them. I will add that I think this is just the way that X is. He cut off relationships with friends, too. He never asks about my family and when he left me, my mom was in a nursing home. I am feeling emotional today and still feel some pain as I type that.

I will see New Guy tonight and feel fortunate to be around someone who is not like X.