I'm a WAW who wants back

[Underdog]

Brit,

I'm impressed... you really get this! I'm specifically referring to:

I don't really think she's an OW I think she's H's GF. He never cheated on me, he met her well after we separated and I even encouraged him to date. By calling her an OW, I'm putting myself in a victim role or in a position of being the rightful partner and she's the intruder.

And I'm doubly happy to read this:

I'm trying to live my life as becoming okay with what is...not how I want them to be or how I wish the past had happened or how I hope the future will be....just being okay with NOW.

I don't know if you've read Eckhart Tolle? He's kind of a woo-woo writer. But if you can really read and float above his very deep words, you can see what he's trying to say. And this is exactly his recipe for happiness. He says we all live too much in the past or the future, which prevents us from being happy... right here in the now.

I realize they are extremely simplistic words on a paper and very difficult to live. But even if we make some gains in that direction, we have a better chance of living that way.

He is in a relationship for better or worse, whether it's for 2 weeks, 2 years, or both thier lives, he has a GF. I am not in a battle to win him back (that's in my head) I rejected him. Then I made my intensions clear and he said not now.
So right now I can be friendly, I can be supportive, and I can enjoy his company if/when he chooses to give it to me.

I don't know what your outcome will be, but this is the most unselfish thing ever. And even if you don't wind up together, you should be able to look yourself in the mirror and be proud of this. Because this is what love is all about.

And the one thing I don't want you to forget is that there was a reason you traveled this path. Do more soul searching on that, because you were not happy and it brought pain to your R. Be honest about it.

What helped me really do this for my XH is to have my own mantra/assumption: that we all do the best job we can with what we know and have. If I assumed that he was trying to be the best person he could, it helped me see him as he is and how I am... a flawed human being with frailties and weaknesses who was just trying the best he could.

Again, that's hard to do, but it's an act of love to give others the benefit of the doubt. It also requires stepping up when they clearly are NOT doing the best they can. I tried to do this in as loving, humane way as possible... by asking him, "Since you seem awfully upset and taking out on me, is there something we need to talk about?" 100% of the time, it reframed our interactions. I still do that to this day. I don't assume he's pi$$ed off at me and out to get me. And the majority of the time, he returns the favor. It's important to me, because we have 2 daughters. One of them is developmentally disabled and I'm gonna have to parent her with him for the rest of our lives. I REALLY don't want to do that in an unhealthy fashion.

Anyway, you're a quick learner and I'm proud of you for getting to this point. It's only going to help you in the long run.

Betsey