I'm a WAW who wants back

[labug]

By calling her an OW, I'm putting myself in a victim role or in a position of being the rightful partner and she's the intruder.

I'm trying to live my life as becoming okay with what is...not how I want them to be or how I wish the past had happened or how I hope the future will be....just being okay with NOW.

He is in a relationship for better or worse, whether it's for 2 weeks, 2 years, or both thier lives, he has a GF. I am not in a battle to win him back (that's in my head) I rejected him. Then I made my intensions clear and he said not now.
So right now I can be friendly, I can be supportive, and I can enjoy his company if/when he chooses to give it to me.

negative: I texted him today re taking me to my dr appt.
Positive: before he had a chance to reply I reconsidered my MOTIVES and replied to say actually I can move things around and go on my own. Don't worry..it's easier for both of us this way.

Whether he had offered or not, I wasn't asking because I NEEDED a ride to the hospital I was asking because I wanted him to come, I wanted him by my side, and I wanted to feel like we were a partnership. He may have wanted to do all those things, I know his love language is acts of service, buuuuuut that might be confusing for me. And for me I think it's best I go on my own, not lean on him for emotional support.

I feel like this is massive massive massive personal growth for me. TO look at WHY I was going to do something, whether that's the best thing for me rather than "my goal of R", and make a grown up decision.

He did ask that I let him know what happens.

I agree wholeheartedly! Being aware of my motives and letting go of expectations is a constant battle for me.

Good luck, it seems you've hit a groove.

Just don't let the bumps throw you off.