Gosh, kimmerz, I'm wondering the same things you are about your XH's behavior. If you think about all of the information you've read here and elsewhere you will probably see that your XH is following a predictable pattern. You know how toddlers need to touch "home base" and then they run off again? Well, I wonder if that's what your XH is doing. It fits with MLC, but also with adults who missed an important developmental stage. Since it seems that MLCers have unresolved childhood issues and traumas it's logical that they would also not have safely passed through early life stages and maybe even suffer from arrested development. If you're interested it might be worth researching. I agree with earlier posts that your XH wants attention from mom. Play it cool, listen and talk softly when you must respond. Think of how you wanted your parents to respond to you when you were a kid/teenager and had a problem. When parents helped us feel safe we opened up more. When things fell apart home was the best place to be. However, if our parents were critical or rejected us we retreated and found others to confide in, or at least I did. Think of times when you just needed a parent to listen to you and it helped you feel better. Then you were able to carry on with your life. We all know that the WS acts like a teenager, so does this at all seem to fit what your XH is doing? Please don't spend any energy on all of this unless it interests you. Anyway, you can create a safe haven for your XH if you want to. In the meantime, keep learning and healing. It seems to be giving you the peace you haven't had for many years. On that note, a couple of books that I've started reading might appeal to you also. They are Men are like waffles woman are like spaghetti, Boundries: When to say yes, how to say no and Zen and the art of falling in love. I'm finding these good for dealing with my H now and helping with healing, but I will also use the information in the future. You can get the gist of them by downloading a free sample.
On another note, here's another similarity that we have. My H complained about his back and arthritis in his ankles. He also wasn't sleeping well. Once he left he told my son that he felt great. He had no more pain. I'll be curious if I ever hear about the problems returning once he is no longer able to self medicate.
