I'm sorry for all you have been through as well as for the fears you still have. How do you get through the anniversary? Well, it's not easy, but nothing about piecing is. You just remind yourself, multiple times if needed, that things are different...BETTER...this year and will be from here on out. Leave the past in the past and focus on the here and now. Chances are that your H doesn't even remember the date of the bomb drop (I know my H doesn't), so it's just your own personal hell you are going through alone. I'll be praying for you as the date approaches. Do something good for you and for you and your husband. Make this a NEW anniversary with something great to remember and celebrate!
You hit the nail on the head about refusing to forgive...it hurts no one but me. I am a woman of great faith and remind myself constantly that I am forgiven so therefore I am to forgive. It's easier said than done, especially when you are dealing with a person with no regrets. I am working on it and will continue to do so. As you said, some days are better than others, and some are worse. The triggers are there and I recognize those and am dealing with them in better, healthier ways. Still, it's not easy, and I welcome any and all advice on how to better deal during the tough times.
Hang in there and know that you are on the right path. Again, give yourself a break for when times get tough. This is difficult to recover from, but you have the right tools to help you do so.
