Maggie I'm sorry that he acted grumpy and snide toward you! Maybe someday I'll be out of moderation when I have a good idea and it can be helpful in time!
I agree that a simple "Thanks, I really appreciate your email" email to H's friend would be appropriate. Not that you'd be creating an ally per se, but no one would be served if the friend thought you were a jerk for not responding.
It's good to have copies of all your financials. Even if you might not need them, I was comforted once I knew I had everything in one place. An L should be able to advise whether the domestic partnership will affect the length of your "marriage" in the eyes of your state.
