Any chance to make it work? I need advice

[sweetbabyred]

--journaling

After finding out that H plans to go ahead and file, I was just in shock again. I haven't been this sleepless and queasy since last June when I found out about the first OW. And that he feels he needs to divorce so he can date other women and not have to worry about being dumped when they find out he's still married just annoys me. I miss the man that I met 6 1/2 years ago who became my best friend. I just don't know who H is any more and it scares me.

His best friend texted me for a bit yesterday and asked me if I really wanted to be with someone who would date young girls, drink too much, and hang out at strip clubs when times got tough. And of course I don't, but it truly seems like a MLC and that he's not acting like himself at all. Even though he seems to have moved past me, I don't want to abandon him if he's in a crisis.

I couldn't sleep last night and had to leave work after two hours because I just couldn't smile and pretend to be happy. I was afraid I'd either pass out or throw up. I was like this in June and thought I'd moved past this, but I guess I was just optimistic that we'd make it through.

Tonight a local church is having a divorce meetup and I think I may actually go. As exhausted as I am, I know I wouldn't sleep if I were here, so it's probably better to be around people who understand what I'm going through. And tomorrow night I have a girls' night out, so I'll be busy for a bit.

It doesn't help that I'm now stressed out over finances. Trying to figure out how to get rid of the house and knowing that I can't afford to stay in this apartment even though I absolutely love it. I didn't think I'd like any place as much as my house, but I've made it my own and it suits me perfectly. But with school and my occasional meltdowns I haven't had the opportunity to make as much money and I need a place that is several hundred a month less. I'll really miss my garage and all of my storage space, and I have no idea who I'm going to get to help me when the time comes, but I need to start figuring that out.

Assuming H files all of the paperwork right away, we could be divorced in as little as 61 days. Hopefully that will be enough time for me to get adjusted to the idea of being a divorcee. My H's birthday is next week, so it'll be a tough day for me. I'm just going to keep with the LRT, because I know what I need to change about myself to be successful in a relationship, even if it doesn't end up being with H. And just try to take one day at a time, even if the minutes seem to be going by so slowly.