We text some more yesterday about getting together on Sunday. I really don't want to right now. We went back and forth on text. She wrote something to the effect of "I watch you from afar (on social media) and it looks like you're happy and having such a good time. I don't want to hold you back anymore than I already have."
I feel that the line "I don't want to hold you back" is such a cop-out.
To that text, I replied "you have never held me back. I've always wanted to work on our M. I've never wanted to throw it away. But I cannot or will not convince you how to feel."
Heard back nothing from there.
She has said she is happy to see me living my life and having fun. But there are so many unresolved questions. She has said she wants to have honest, open conversations about our feelings. So I'm trying to do that the best I can but I'm slipping.
A tough area for us is our living situation right now. She's back in the condo she owns (an hour away from the condo we were renting, in which I currently live). The lease I have is up at the end of July. At which point I need to decide where to go. The most logical place is yet another hour away (to be closer to my job). I feel I need some certainty before I make a decision.
So to go back to the original question, I didn't really give the word. I don't think I want to see her right now. (Well, of course I do but my feelings are all over the map).
Any words of wisdom? (For what it's worth, I am reading DR again).
