Bklyn Bombshell

[zig]

i swear those kinds of things happen for a reason. the universe is just taking care of things.
stay strong bklyn, you'll get everything you need when you're ready to get it:)

your reaction during this time is SO impressive - you are a great example for all of us , for what we can possibly aspire to

hope you have a wonderful day
zig

[2thepoint]

"Then I texted my father

"Maybe he heard it from his family this weekend too"

But whoops I sent the text to H

H texted back "?"

I wrote honestly "Thought maybe you were so cold cause your family spoke to you"

No response. Not surprised. H avoids all conflicts and all conversations. In the end I am happy I sent the text to the wrong guy, gave me an opportunity to be honest with H

OOPS! Sometimes little slips turn out to be big opportunities for truth and clarity.

I'm glad you feel confident! Keep going, BK! You are doing fine!!

[labug]

BK, you're getting through this.

[BklynMom]

Got this email from H this morning:

In light of our conversation last week (on the phone, you were headed to appointment), I feel we need to talk. I thought I have been very clear on where my head is at, but I don't think you have taken me seriously. I am not talking about what is or is not in the divorce agreement, I am talking about how you and I interact when we discuss the logistics of the girls. Let me know if you'd like me to come by when the girls are asleep, or talk on phone, or send you an email with more details.

Two responses come to mind:

1. Feel free to send me an email with more details

or
2. As I work the program I now understand more what is happening. I am tired of being victimized by you and being blamed for everything. The problem in our relationship was communication perhaps on both our parts. As for me, I did have two small children and sometimes communication is difficult. Apparently you did not understand that. Last week when my Father came up with what I thought was a reasonable proposal-you told me-"I'm going to court" Dan your lawyer didn't even bother to respond to the letter as he asked my Dad "will you accept service of the court papers"
I think I have been more than gracious in working out our parenting arrangement, adjusting days and times to suit your career. Ask Dan if my constant adjustments is usual. Do you appreciate it? When you returned with the children you were ice cold to me. Don't I have feelings?

Yet I still supposedly said something on the phone that "i don't take you seriously" I consider everything you say and do take you very seriously as I still think you are an amazing person. But you have not treated me well. And I'm done being your victim. It is you who does not take me seriously. You threw me away like a rag doll not willing to talk about it in a formal setting so we understand what happened and yes, perhaps overcome it. You didn't even care that I was working on myself to make changes. You say "you were broken"-we all are broken at some points in our lives-we make an effort to fix it. But you don't want to talk about this.

After a divorce it wont be the same. I will have a life as you will. You will easily enter into another relationship, perhaps you already have, -being a single Mom with two young children it wont be as easy for me to as dan says "go on with my life" . Our relationship will necessarily change. Parenting time will work as it does in all divorces.

A schedule is what we will have to go by. Of course I will make adjustments but a parenting schedule is what the courts do. You want a flexible job by job schedule-I do not agree. You want a permanent commitment that over the next 15 years I will always adjust to your career-I will not make such permanent commitment.

I think it's best we communicate in writing so that when we talk and I get emotional you wont get angry and blame me again.

I think you should arrange to pick up your clothes and give me the key to the apartment.

You are an amazing person but what you are doing to me and the girls is not amazing. There is nothing more you can do to me then what you have already done. I don't deserve this treatment and neither do the girls. .

[ces67]

I got a txt like that from my W once early after the bomb. She meant to send to a friend of hers about telling my family what was going on but sent it to me instead.

I responded letting her know I could tell it was for someone else but agreed with what she said. It actually prompted a conversation that was helpful at the time.

If I had to guess, I'd say you're right about what happened. He's having to deal with stuff internally and if patterns stay consistent in the WAS, its easier to turn that on the spouse than deal with it themselves. Good job owning it.

[labug]

Go with #1

It's good that you wrote out #2 to get it out of your system.

(((BK)))

[ces67]

^^^what Bug said....

[BklynMom]

I wrote:

I think you have been very clear about moving forward with an amicable divorce. I take your words very seriously. Feel free to email me with any of your thoughts.

Also I have gathered most of your remaining belongings and have them in the closet in my bedroom. Do you want the small green chair?

---
Do you guys think that was okay? I am crying now. Why am I getting a divorce? Why is he doing this to us? Why does he hate me?

[scaredsilly]

i'm so sad for you and all of us. i don't know how they can be so cruel. (((BM)))

[2thepoint]

I wrote:

I think you have been very clear about moving forward with an amicable divorce. I take your words very seriously. Feel free to email me with any of your thoughts.

Also I have gathered most of your remaining belongings and have them in the closet in my bedroom. Do you want the small green chair?

---
Do you guys think that was okay? I am crying now. Why am I getting a divorce? Why is he doing this to us? Why does he hate me?

BK it doesn't matter what we think. You need to do what is right for you and for your heart.

(((BK)))