Please listen to what sandi2, hangten and others have posted here. Many of us (including myself) are going through nearly identical situations. To my W's credit she has done a good job in helping to minimize conflict. Like you I'm terrified of damaging my kids emotional/physical well being. The best way to do that is to bring the conflict down to near nothing (please read Robert Emery's book - THE TRUTH ABOUT CHILDREN AND DIVORCE...though the book is about divorce many of the things the author recommends is applicable to a separated and still married couple...I'm not at all advocating divorce by the way). I'll give you an example of what not to do (and what to do if you freak out)...a couple of weeks ago I found out for certain that my W was moving out - I blew up, totally lost it...the effect on my children...they were completely terrified. I quickly realized what I just did and did a 180 - I stated to my W that the apartment might be a good idea and that I would help her move. This really shocked her into silence and defused the situation. And we were able to calm the kids down as PARENTS. So what we are recommending is that you give your W some space, do 180s, be positive, be your W's friend, and most importantly GAL! GAL! GAL! And read Michele's book DR. This will be the most benefical thing you can do for your children right now.
