Thank you all so much for your responses. I do appreciate you. School has been crazy! A lot of papers due, a lot of classes going by. I'm happy to report that despite all the stresses I'm making a 4.0 gpa. We will see how long that lasts lol

But I have better news than this. This may seem very small but I think a healing has taken place inside of me.

I used to get really upset and angry inside whenever I'd hear a song from one of the bands that EX OW liked. Or one of the songs H put on her cd's he gave her. It would come on the radio, I'd shut it off right away, even in front of him. For months I've avoided listening to my favorite band, all because he put songs from them on her cds. She likes Queen a lot, and so do I, but I have just refused to listen to them. Hurt too much or just reminded me of her.

Anyway, the other day, "Best friend" by Queen came on the radio. I felt this feeling of anger wash over me inside, like a knife in your stomach. For TWO DAYS .... that dang song would not leave my head. Finally, I get it out of my head.

So what happens last night? H and I went to the store, and we are on the way home and we're talking, we're both in a great mood and that #%$% song comes on the radio. He looked at me, and I know he was watching for my reaction and suddenly I just busted up laughing so hard. I was laughing because in one moment I realized how childish I was acting, but I also laughed because it took me a couple days for that song to leave me, then there it is back again.

The universe really works in a strange way like this, and I know God is speaking to me and telling me to STOP acting like a child in front of H and let it go.

When I was laughing, H looked at me in this astonished way. I told him, "I can't help it, I tried for two days to get this song out of my head... " and he said he was sorry, and just looked down.

I just threw my arms around him and said, "No... don't be sorry. I am really happy right now"

I bet he truly thinks I'm crazy. But instead of letting some stupid song and it's memory hold power over me I was able to really let it go.

Maybe the song is just a baby step to me being able to really forgive H.

Sometimes i wonder how much of this piecing is more about piecing myself back together, than our M.

But things are going pretty good, aside from me dealing with panic attacks, MS, and my ongoing anemia getting worse.