My WAW continues with the OM -- almost a year now. But she has reconnected with me a number of times in recent months. I went dark in October, and in January after a vacation with him she contacted me out of the blue and said how much she missed me, how she missed our love making, our connection, etc. I responded VERY positively with interest in reconciliation, and she shut down immediately saying being vulnerable to me would be the silliest/scariest thing she could ever do.
Since then she has continued intermittent contact with me (every 1-2 weeks), usually through a simple text or IM with some friendly banter. During the last few months, I have maintained civil discourse, but have generally avoided showing any neediness or interest. She's like a bird, and she keeps landing more and more on my hand, but then flies away again. We finally had lunch a month ago, and it went well, but not great. I talked too much, and we ended up talking about the R. She said "I wish it had worked out." And I rambled about my Al-Anon step work, and how much I've changed. She also talked about how "scarred" she is from the whole experience. After lunch she wrote me, "I feel so strange." I wanted to reply, "That's called love." But I didn't.
Anyway, I'm now at a crossroads... I'm losing patience and she continues with this guy. She has a habit of convincing herself things are right for her when they are obviously not. Like with the OM. They are total opposites, but he adores her and she just wants to feel safe. But I'm starting to wear thin. It's been a year, and I'm just about all used up. I'm coming VERY close to asking her to leave me alone. No more check-ins. No more IMs with "Hey you!" Nada. Until she is ready to have a serious conversation with me about reconciliation.
The waiting is making me miserable, ineffective at work, and generally unable to move on and meet someone else. Do I want her back? Absolutely. Am I willing to sacrifice another year waiting? Not a chance.
So, am I shooting myself in the foot by drawing a boundary with her? Or should I just stop responding to her texts with no explanation? Is that "Going Dark?" Or should I maintain the current civility pattern: She reaches out, I respond, two weeks go by, she reaches out, repeat...
What to do? I need support. Badly.
- DBer in SF
Me: 39 - W: 35 Together: 2 years, no kids My Affair: 1.5 years Affair ended: 4/9/14 Affair revealed: 5/19/14 Last Contact: 8/2/14
