Well I might have just blew it! W called to discuss mediation paperwork and I told her that this was her divorce and that I never wanted it. I told her I still love her and wish we could work it out.
She accused me of putting work above her, which I could see how she would feel that way, but I was looking for another job and could not find one that would support the family as well. We already had financial burdens to begin with. She also could have changed her job, but would not because she could not find anything. So now that we've split, we both have found jobs with a compatible schedule... and now it's my fault.
She accused me of not spending time with her, but I tried.. She cancelled multiple date nights we had planned and we had a baby so it was hard to get time off and a sitter during that year.
I realize that this set of circumstances is hard to go through and is common in early marriages, but she will not get over it. She has decided to quit and run instead of working on our issues, even now when we have time to do so.
She told me she could never forgive me for what I said to mutual friends (which I did not say anything that was not already posted on her facebook page to eveyone anyway). I admitted fault because I was hurt and looking for validation and support because I thought I was going crazy. I asked for her forgiveness on that.
I told her that what she did was not exactly the most forgivable thing either (forcing me out of our home, lying, cheating, and putting the affair in public and exposing our child to it), but I was willing to forgive and work past it. She sounded like she was crying and she eventually had to go because she had to get back to work.
I know that I broke DBing rules but I felt that the D was coming anyway and I needed to get the issue off my chest and clear the air on things unsaid. I felt like I had nothing to lose.
Any thoughts?
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
Funny, I had a big time bag Sunday night myself. H started it. I should have got in the car and driven far away. it ended with him hiding in his room and me crying so hard snot ran down my face. (I'm laughing, right now, believe it or not.....)
I feel better today, and suppose it is just part of that rollor coaster we are riding, on our way to who knows where!
Hang in there, bet you feel better too, having said what you needed to.
Oh no, Now I'm singing "Holding on to What I Haven't Got" in my head again......
(((((((( Tested )))))))
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Sometimes ya just gotta go with what you feel...rules or no. Sometimes you have to tell them for YOUR sake, not theirs.
That she was crying by the end, rather than spewing, IS interesting...but I wouldn't speculate on things too much.
I read in HB's postings about how God is guiding...maybe it was the right thing, regardless of the outcome or rules. Maybe she needed to hear that, where it goes, who knows...
So just grab yer guitar and play, just like yesterday...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
