Zig, there is some really good conversations in the infidelity forum around your questions.
Many of us who have been around for a while have gone through these discussions as well as other, just as sensitive topics. And there are definitely two different, polar camps in many of these topics.
Some say expose the A, others say ignore the A. Some say confront the A partner, others say ignore the A.
In the end, MWD and the coaches and mods on this board strongly recommend not exposing an A.
And... in the end, we are all entitled to choose our path and do as we wish and be responsible for our actions.
Not to speak for Starsky, but I understand his position is to verbally state the boundary in no uncertain terms to the A spouse, and then the LBS is to move forward.
My personal position is to simply move forward without verbalizing, as my actions indicate my intentions and ultimately my boundaries.
