i guess while i was reading all your answers to my question and the discussion that ensued - i was hoping to get some practical advice that one could apply in their sitch - especially when dealing with mlc and an affair.
what happens when the A is known to selected persons by the WAS and not to others - is that usual - what does it say about the sitch and the WAS when they choose to only tell certain people - or is that a trivial detail that doesn't matter.
and what about the LBS - should they "support" that by not making it more public, or allow the WAS in their MLC to dictate who knows and doesn't know?
If you believe that, then you won't care about the whole "commitment-vs.-compliance" thing at the early stage -- you will want to try to end the affair and convince the wayward spouse to return to the marriage and work with you on it, together, understanding that the DESIRE may take a looong time to return
Starsky - couldn't this come across as pursuing big time? that's what i tried to do in the first couple of months - it didn't work, just made him more determined, it seemed.
i agree with you about affairs being highly addictive - because i have felt that myself when i had one during my first marriage.
i also like what you wrote about ultimatum versus boundary.
thanks for this discussion
shakey , hope you are doing well zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
