By being Christian w/boundaries is good for me, but not good with my wife perception of me, who sees the negative in everything that I do.
There is only so much you can do... at the end of the day... it's up to her.
I tell this story of my sister. When she found out she had lupus in her early 20s.. she went off the deep end a little bit. She lost her kids because of her irresponsibility. She caused alot of damage to me and my family.
She went on a path of destruction for about a decade. I distanced myself from her as much as possible.
4 years ago - she got REALLY sick. I went home to take care of the 2 of the 5 kids she still had custody of. I saw a change in her.. but I didn't want to believe it.
We got closer - but I will still hesitant. I was still allowing "my perception" of her blind what was in front on my eyes....
... but my S finally gave me the opportunity to let go and forgive her. And I did. My sister had showed me for years her heart had changed... but in the end.. it was up to ME to believe.
The same rings true for you. You are a changed man.. it will be up to her to see it.
You just stay on your path. You won't be perfect at it.. but you can't worry about how your w will perceive every action.
It will drive you nutz!
Originally Posted By: alamo76
1. The DB/DR "rule" of trying something new if what I'm doing right now doesn't work. Boundaries and religious beliefs shouldn't need to back down if something doesn't work.
I struggle with this too.. but Michelle does say that sometimes... nothing works..
And that's ok. It sukks.. but it's ok.
Boundaries are a MUST to any healthy relationship. Your r with your w right not isn't healthy which is why they seem so wrong.
Do you boundaries with friends and family?
Originally Posted By: alamo76
the fact that I'm taking "my sister to court" isn't very Christian at all. What is the purpose of it all? To protect by boundaries? To protect myself? To protect our son? In the legal and practical context, yes, yes and yes.
Let me ask you a hard question and forgive me for the 2x4 BUT
It is very Christian of you to give up on your Son? To rip him from the joys of having a father in his life?
Is is loving that he experiences the pain of not having you in his life... because you thought that p!ssing off your w was "un-christian".
Look Alamo - I know it's hard but YOUR WIFE CHOSE THIS.
You are not punishing her by taking her to court for your son. You are choosing to love your son.
Honestly - I don't think there is anything wrong for fighting to keep your son in Cali.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you moving to SC to have a relationship with your son....
But whatever the decision, it needs to be based PURELY on your relationship with him...
... and currently I still feel like it's still about your w.
She will perceive what SHE WANTS TO...
... which is why it's even more important that only do things based of who YOU want to be.
((( )))
Words of wisdom from the venerable Valeska. I do realize that I have to fight for our son, but at the same time I don't want to tear him away from his mother (it's part of the reason why - if you've read my posts since Day 1, I've never said "MY son", but rather "OUR son", because I don't believe in the concept of "owning" a child in the context of separation/divorce). The ultimate question I ask is every morning is: Does this glorify God?
UPDATE 3:59pm My wife had our son for the day and when I came to pick him up for the short evening, one of the first thing she happily said was "I enrolled E in a Montessori school in South Carolina." Making educational decisions w/o me? Or is she so certain that her allegations against me will no doubt give her primary custody of our son? Or both?
