Not sure where to start, Part 3

[wishing, hoping]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2237459#Post2237459

Thread #3 for me...

So still reeling from the events of this weekend. Still wondering how H could turn into such an unfeeling, selfish jerk. I am not sure if I should approach S to see how he feels about the weekend trip, because I (unlike H) do not want to put him in the middle and make him uncomfortable. I don't know how I am going to cope with seeing those @&^*&)$ cupcakes on the counter without smashing them into H's face.

I know, I know. Hostility is peeking through. And even though I am at a spot where I feel like going dark is the only way to save my sanity, I still can say in my heart I still care about and love H for the man I married. Even though I do not like this jerk he has become. I just don't understand how he can take everything we had and pretend like it was nothing and transfer it so easily to her? I am in a bad position here. Because no matter what, I look like the bad guy with S.

So I am going dark with H. He has given his affections to another and he has fired me as a W so he doesn't really need interaction with me unless it is about the kids. I have improved my friendships with people I was close to before I was married and developed friendships with people from work. So I start living for me and the kids. H only disrespects me and attempts to hurt me. I need to protect myself from that.

[2012sf]

I just read your updates, and ouch. Cupcakes? Seriously? That would definitely be hurtful to me.

I really don't have any advice for you, because I feel like I am reaching in the dark half the time in my own situation, but I think you going dark sounds like it would be appropriate in this situation. I think I would have to do that. Dealing with him hanging out with another woman and still living in your house has to be the hard! He literally wants to "cake-eat".

Take some time for yourself to think hard about where your lines are at and what you are prepared to deal with before you make any major moves, but I'd say he is forcing your hand a little with the way he is living like a single guy and going back and forth with your kids between your houses.

[wishing, hoping]

No kidding, huh? He blatantly disrespected my wishes and disrespected me. What good are boundaries if he holds no regards to them?

I don't know what to do. H has no regards for me or how I feel with this entire situation. So maybe I should stop regarding his feelings? Sounds cold, but I don't know how else to get through to him. Being nice isn't making any difference.

[wishing, hoping]

So working on getting a life. Came Home started dinner while dancing to the radio. Haven't been listening to the radio lately because it is just too depressing. That is going to change. Then went for a walk with D and the dog. We came back and ate dinner and I made beer margaritas for myself. Got out my old flute to see if I still got it. D was entranced and I even let her playbwoth it. She got the hang of it pretty quickly. And I was surprised how much I actually remembered.

H did his own laundry. It's spread all over the Spare bedroom where he sleeps now. I am curious how long it will take for him to actually put it all away. Lol!

[vera be fierce]

That evening sounds like a great start! I also cranked up some music while making dinner. The neighbors probably thought I was a little nuts but that's fine by me Sometimes it just feels great to dance even if the neighbors are watching!

[wishing, hoping]

So had a good evening. Played some tunes on the radio so S and I were goofy dancing together. H was watching and laughing at us. D told H that mommy an she went for a walk and mommy taught her how to play the flute. H turned and looked at me and said "really? I've never even heard mommy play her flute." so I guess this GAL stuff and being unpredictable works. At least I got his attention. Lol.

Lifted weights tonight too. It does feel good to do things for myself for once. I am learning who I am again. I feel that glow starting to creep back in. At least for the moment. But I will take it.

[wishing, hoping]

Today was a busy busy day at work. I actually wore a skirt and some blingy jewelry and my new heels. Looking sharp. Got lots of compliments. : )

H came home early. Apparently the car transmission is acting up. He has had nothing but bad luck with that car. He had to get a rental car. He has been Mr. Cranky Pants tonight. Shut himself in his room and played his iPad game. Almost lost it with D (she's a pistol) and now has left to take S to the store (I suspect to get mother's day gifts).

Saw OW called H on his phone. Hate to say it but she looks like a nice person. She is attractive but not prettier than me. Not at all what I expected. Sometimes I wonder if she really knows what is going on? Who knows what H has told her. He has lied to everyone.

Then I second guess myself and think maybe she is so sweet and nice and perfect. And maybe he really does love her and maybe they are soul mates. Then I get depressed and feel like giving up. But then I think about me and what makes me happy.

Trying to take one day at a time.

[wishing, hoping]

Today H was blowing up my phone trying to call. It started at 7:30 and I called him back at 8:00 and straight to VM. It was a crazy day at work so I couldn't pick up when he called. Had to work late so I called him on the way home. First thing he says is "I've been trying to get a hold of you all day." I apologized and said it was a crazy day. Beside that I have been overly emotional all day and I did not want him to know that. He told asked if S had a soccer tournament this weekend and I said no. He said he was thinking of visiting his mother but wanted to make sure I had no plans and I didn't need his help with the kids. I asked when he was going by his mom and he said he would leave Friday night (I am sure to see OW) and come back Saturday. He told me he figured I would want to spend Sunday with the kids and mentioned something like I probably wouldnt want him around anyway since that would be a day for me to spend with the kids. I thought that was odd. I wasnt sure how to take that and didn't want to mind read. Not sure if he is reaching out to me or if that is his way of telling me he does not want to be involved. Thoughts???

[scaredsilly]

i don't know. i think WAS's have lots of self pity. it sounds as if he's feeling sorry for himself.

[unbidden]

I think it's ok to ask him to do some Mother's Day stuff with you so long as you treat him like a friend only and have no expectations. Be light and breezy, if possible. That's what my DB coach would say.