This is what I'm getting at ... this is from an e-book written by a woman who posts under her .uk blog baggagereclaim in relation to men who are emotionally unavailable. It's a guide to no-contact (highly recommended reading) ... on rejection
being 'rejected' by these guys feels like some sort of confirmation that there is something wrong with you.
[i]'If he can't see what a great woman I am, there must be something really wrong with me!', as if someone, for instance, who may be lacking in empathy and respect of you, is supposed to be someone who is a good judge of character.
Rejection like breaking up, is never going to be easy to do, but it's safe to say that when you have higher self-esteem and love yourself unconditionally, rejection has far less of an impact on you. In fact, you can minimise any rejection you may feel by having some self-love, compassion (for you), and perspective.
Whilst it seems all too easy to declare that you love these men unconditionally and without boundaries, it seems to be much harder to give yourself any love. What we don't often realise is that love does have boundaries but that you cannot know how to truly love if you don't even like, never mind love yourself.
Unconditional love is about you being able to like and love yourself, irrespective of what takes place around you.
This means that even though you will navigate bumps along the relationship road, your love of yourself remains intact and your value doesn't plummet with every relationship.
If you take 'rejection' hard it means that you allow the fact that your relationship has not worked out to reflect inward, which in turn, makes you feel bad about yourself.
So a Mr Unavailable who is unable to connect with emotions healthily anyway, that you have a relationship with that doesn't work out, becomes you thinking that it must be something about you why he couldn't engage better because you think youso there must be something wrong with you.[/i]
So
Here is the problem:
In choosing men that reflect the things you truly believe about yourself, you find yourself someone who by their very nature is incapable of giving you the relationship that you profess to want. This not only sets them up for a test that they're bound to fail, but it also sets you up for failure. Each time this happens, it sends a message to you, that what you secretly (or even openly) believe about yourself, love, and relationships is true.
However, it's 'true' because the self-fulfilling prophecy gets created in trying to extract love, care, respect, empathy and the whole kit and kaboodle from men who are incapable of giving that to you in the first place. And so, you're kinda rejecting yourself....
Letting rejection distort your sense of self kills perspective on the relationship. What is even worse, is that when these men cross boundaries and treat us 'less than' and we not only continue to accept it, but actively chase them and repeatedly engage with them, as if trying to cancel out the rejection by trying to get them to accept us and in turn validate us, it ends up eroding even further into your self- esteem, robbing us of our self respect and at times, even our dignity.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
