Hello everyone- Just a quick update as things seem to change on here as quick as I can change handbags. I have had to put my D on hold for a little while as I received the infamous "pink slip" on Friday. Finding full time employment for next school year has to be my TOP concern at the moment.
Regarding PEI's statement about my self-esteem issues. I did not have low self esteem before we were married. When my H and I married, I was very strong, confident, and thought I knew what I wanted. According to him, that is what attracted him to me. I was young--18 to be exact. That is wayyyyy to young to make that kind of decision. We grew apart. I do consider the other woman a cow--if that makes me angry--so be it. I am still angry, but it does not control me, or rule my thoughts. I do see a C, and we are making wonderful strides at finding who I am again.
Truth is I lost me in the years we were together. I wrapped all my happiness up in him and it was explosive. I am a fixer--I want to be needed and that is why I stayed for so long in this toxic situation. I thought I could change him, and that was not the case. I cannot fix him or make him see what he is doing. Detachment from that is easy--its a choice that you make and stick to it.
I am FAR from healed, or cured or any other adjective we want to use. I am making the CHOICE to be happy for me. I choose to do things for me. No one else. Whatever else happens is out of my control. But for today, April is doing pretty good...and that is a feeling that I like:)
