Actually, let me rephrase that: There IS a difference between what the two of us do in the event of an A. You pushed through it (and I do really applaud you for that and happy it worked for you) and I would walk away from it, no questions asked, it IS a deal breaker.
Would you do it again if your W relapsed (an honest, open question) or if you found yourself with someone else (for what ever reason, your M ended and you were with someone else)? Again, just asking...
Sorry Shaky if this feels like a hijack of your thread. I hope this discussion is helping you decide where you stand and what options you have to choose from.
It's always hard to know, ahead of time, what will be a "dealbreaker" and what won't. I don't have the data to back it up -- just anecdotal experience -- but I'd wager to say that 80-90% of people in marriages who have never been exposed to infidelity, would say it's an "absolute dealbreaker," and yet once faced with it, it's more like 50/50. It's why, as a sales manager, I never used to ask my female salespeople if they were going to come back to work after having a baby, because how can you possibly answer than question before you've met your child? I found that those that said "Oh, I'll definitely be coming back" would frequently change their minds, whereas those that said "I'll definitely be leaving the workforce and staying home with my child" usually stuck to that.
If my wife had another affair, I'd be 110% done -- dealbreaker. Not so much that I would feel that we couldn't get thru it -- we've shown now that we can -- but just "a" I wouldn't have it in me again, and "b" a serial adulterer is simply a boundary with me, in terms of what it says about the person (vs. a one-time "I really, really screwed up, and got in over my head and handled it poorly" sort of thing).
