Hello, WAW. Is anyone there?

[AlwaysTrying]

OK, here is the central argument. I believe that we owe certain things to our kids, and one of those things is a stable home and family, and another is to attempt to resolve issues that will pull their home apart.

In other words, we owe it to them and we owe it to each other. I think she agrees and feels terrible that she can't live up to her responsibilities. Instead she is emotionally shut down, and doesn't appear to be able to feel anything other than resentment and anger on many occasions.

Obviously, that argument hasn't gotten us anywhere. Maybe it has paralyzed her into doing nothing, but when I leave her alone long enough that she feels comfortable and says she just wants to move on, I come back and drag out those ideas again.

I felt that if I moved out of the house, she could have enough space that we could improve the situation. She feels that it isn't enough space because I come over to the house several days a week to be with the kids. She used to leave during this time, but since I have spent effort on doing things like cooking good food to attract her to the house during those times, she has spent a lot more time together.

I did spend a month mostly leaving her alone, but she would text me and I would text her back about casual stuff. One night she decided to stay up late and watch tv with me and seemed to enjoy being closer. That night I touched her arms as she was going to bed. She stopped in her tracks and said, "I'm so lonely.". I didn't know what to say. I should have said, "How about a hug."

Perhaps a week later, she agreed to come to my counselor where she said that nothing I was doing was enough and she was tired and she wants to finalize the divorce when the kids are out of school and move out of the house. Since then, I have been back on the attack trying to get her to back off for a few months.

She refuses to give me feedback on what I am doing and I only find out that she's not happy when she makes some upsetting pronouncement. I am so upset that she can't communicate and I'm getting more resentful that her inability to communicate was at the source of so many of our problems. She bottles stuff up inside and then it becomes a destructive force when she lets it out.

Her next relationship is also going to be a failure. She goes to counseling almost every week and I have no idea why.

The other day she said, "You asked me what I needed to make this work, and I told you right from the beginning. I need us to be completely separate for a year." I've been holding on to the idea of our kids still having one bedroom, one set of beds, one place to sleep at night. That's why I moved out. I'm so angry that she has been unwilling to commit any thought to how that could work. She's let me try to make it happen, but she give me no feedback.

Right now, I'm feeling tempted to move back home and tell her to move out if she wants space. She says she's going to do it anyway. I'm tired of supporting her childish, self-centered, bratty attitude.

Of course, I would probably end up regretting that.

But maybe all I can do is let her move out.

Or maybe I can make some drastic effort to not have contact with her over the next month and she'll back out of her plans to move out when school is over.