Hoping my marriage can be saved :(

[Maggie3]

My husband emailed me this morning that he is coming by this afternoon to cut the lawn. He wrote

Hi Maggie,

I'm going to come by today and cut the grass. It's going to rain the rest of the week and I won't be around this weekend to do it. I'll probably be there at 430 or so.

I didn't respond. I'm not going to because there is nothing to respond to. We are past our one month of not seeing each other and frankly I don't think I should have to leave the house each time he comes, which I think he assumes I will. I think he wants to avoid me to ease his own guilt. I had planned on doing yard work as well this afternoon as it is beautiful today. So I think I will just stick with that plan and be pleasant when he sees me. I'll try to look as nice as possible for doing yard work. A friend asked me to walk her dog so I think I will leave and go do after a bit. Does this sound okay?

I've gotten to the point where I am starting to feel really negatively towards him- thinking things like, do I want to even be with someone who could have done this to me and to my family?, etc. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. But then I'll get nostalgic too, and sad for him and all he is losing, which to be honest I really do believe he is losing out on a lot more than I am. I had ended an email on Friday (we emailed a few times regarding house stuff) and said something along the lines of I don't want this situation to turn us into awful people because that is not who we are. He responded something along the lines of "I agree, I will try to make this as amicable as possible" and that really p'ed me off. Almost like he was doing me a favor by being nice- as if I had done something horrible to him and he was being a nice guy by trying to be amicable. I was never anything but a loving, supportive, trustworthy, selfless partner. I realize he in his mental state needs to make me the bad guy, but that doesn't make it easier to swallow.