Golf Mom, You are grieving the loss of your marriage. You feel abandoned and are wondering why, the ifs, buts, etc. I want to take a moment and point out that there was absolutely nothing you could have done to turn this around. It wouldn't have mattered if you were capable of laying golden eggs and could do a hundred things at one time, it was going to happen. His issues were created when he was a child and because he may have been passive-aggressive and a conflict avoider, it was bound to happen.
When you love someone, you tend to turn a blind eye to their faults and accept them, thus the rose-colored glasses. Once they have left the relationship, that is when you begin to question yourself and the glasses come off and you begin to see the faults for what they are. Why do you still want him back? Because you love him and you want the family unit back intact.
Be kind to yourself during the grieving process. You are going to experience feelings that you never have before and yes, you are going to question yourself about your relationship w/your h many times over. However, you need to remember one thing...he loved you in his own way and it may not have been the deeper, compassionate love that you experienced. You had a good marriage and you did the best that you could. Never doubt that.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
