so if your WAS IS hiding the OP - what do you do about it?
There is plenty you can do. Some of which we can't mention here on this forum, but it all comes down to what your own boundaries are. Personally, I am a "I will not share my wife with another man guy." But that's just me.
Starsky
yup...
No sharesies...
pull it back a bit... the only difference between Starsky and I (and I completely respect his choices that led to his R) is a slightly different language and posture at the point of "the question[/i]" of choosing.
Starsky, your W admitted to the OP, correct?
I think when the OP is in the open, requesting a choice with consequences is appropriate.
When the OP is not in the open or there is denial of an A (especially if it is only an EA)... its not a simple matter of asking someone to make a choice of no contact with a [b]suspected OP...
I am very confident that my W had an EA with OM1 and OM2, even though it may not have become a PA with OM1 (OM2 is gay and is with a partner; doesn't prove anything, just a fact). With OM3, I believe it is also just an EA, even though my W very likely does not view it as such because she actually is unable to be (consciously) emotionally available with anyone at this time...
So if there is overt denial (lying) or covert denial of the A, then requesting no contact might be similar to requesting no contact of an enabler whom they consider (and otherwise would be) a BFF.
IF my W were to admit that there was an OP, I would not ask the question. I would be gone...
