jks you said that your L requires a retainer fee to file, but have you thought about some kind of separation agreement? That might help you set and enforce boundaries with your H especially relating to the kids and the OW. H is really not putting you in a good place, I can only imagine how stressful this must be for you.
I also noticed that you had previously said that life, and not you, would teach your H a lesson but it sounds like by texting/calling him back repeatedly about the violated boundary that you were trying to do the teaching. Of course you were upset, and I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing. Again, I think possibly having a separation agreement between you and your H might help you manage the situation a little better.
