PTSD/CTE

[2012sf]

I think it was my thread you referred to about posting on when you were talking about the PTSD and the effect on relationships. It is very real and I know I am having a hard time finding good resources for spouses dealing with my end of things.

I did come across an online forum yesterday that I am in the process of reading to see what I can find that will help me deal with our situation and how to help him. I can say that I have no doubt our relationship will never be the same ever again. And if I want to stay in this relationship, I know I am going to have to be prepared to deal with this for the rest of our lives. He is doing all the right things on his end for treatment, he is in VA counseling, with a counselor that specializes only in PTSD vets. He has been going every other week. He doesn't need medication at this point, although I am not sure he would be allowed to take it if he did, he is a pilot and most meds aren't allowed by the FAA. That would be something we have to research if that becomes a reality.

He is open with me about talking about PTSD and how he thinks it affects him and it is hard, because he doesn't see it as a factor in our relationship right now. He has it separated as he thinks our marriage had problems and he is dealing with that, and he has PTSD and he is dealing with that. No intermingling of the two. And the few times I have suggested they might be related and we look into how, it has not went well, so until he starts to realize that could be a possibility, there isn't a lot I can do except work on the issues I know our marriage did have, try to learn about PTSD, and try to keep going.

So far, what I have found is that I have to re-establish trust between my H and I, because it is hard for him to be close to someone, intimate, and let down his guard. He is very convincing when he lists off all his complaints about our marriage and how he feels about it, but when I look at the irrational things he has said, the way he acts on the day to day, and the observations of all the other family and even a few friends that know us both, I am realizing I can't let him talk me out of his PTSD and I need to take that into account as a huge factor.

It is so confusing traveling down this road though, and if anyone knows of anymore good online resources for spouse support, I would welcome them. I feel like I still have a line to him and he is in there sometimes, but he has really put up a strong wall to break through.