A couple of times you mentioned that his carelessness at home drives you nuts. My wife had the same complaint, the worse part was that the harder I tried, the worst she got when I would inevitably screw up. From my side it felt like nothing was ever good enough for her.
It was true too, nothing i did was ever going to be good enough, because I wasn't good enough. Now I'm not throwing myself a pity party here. The truth is I had let myself go, physically, mentally, emotionally. I was a pathetic mess, and W was not attracted, so she projected that into her disliking of everything I did. Sounds silly, but I think her subconcious was trying to get rid of me.
You mentioned he has kinda turned into a dud.
I say this carefully, her almost leaving sure was a wakeup call for me. Well she did leave, for a little while. It was at that moment that I had to rediscover how to be a man. How to be assertive, strong, interesting, and smooth. I discovered that in today's world in order to keep your partner you have to actively work to stay attractive otherwise they'll get bored, or find someone else.
My wife shoved the red pill down my throat and it hurt. (matrix reference). If you leave he'll notice, hopefully he'll change.
It is hard to reach an LBS, before the bomb we can be really clueless. I'd give you a list of books, that I think he should read, but then again it's kinda hard since he really has no incentive to change, until you leave of course.
Now you mentioned that you have mandatory sex once a week. How do you feel about that? How does he feel about it? Would you say that he could conceivably have you whenever he wanted, or do you have to be properly in the mood? Has he ever initiated, and been put down while you're not in the mood?
I mention all this because if my wife would have slowly shown me how to make those changes that would put her in the mood, we probably could have avoided a lot. I understand it's hard to get in the mood, when you are mad, because the thrash wasn't taken out. Maybe if you make the link that a happy W is a sexually excited wife he'll get the clue.
Instead my W expected me to figure it out on my own... Which well I almost didn't.
