Thank you back56 and snodderly. I wish I would have been strong enough months ago to stop pursuing my H. I rarely contact him, but when I do I make the huge mistake of taking off my business hat and returning to the lonely, desperate woman who wants her H back. Not attractive. I read that a man is attracted to a woman with boundries and who expresses what they want/don't want. This is a woman they can trust. Is this true guys?
OK, this is totally baffling. I have blocked my H from sending emails, texts, etc. He can only reach me on the home phone. When my son contacted him today he told him that he was going to send an email to my son which needed to be forwarded to me regarding the refinancing of our house. First of all, I'm really tired of all of this. Yesterday when I talked to him he told me that he decided that it didn't make sense to refinance now since I would be refinancing to get the house in my name when the D is final. He wanted me to call a broker and see what documents I would need and how long I would need to be at my job. The email tonight said the refinancing is approved, but the lender needs proof of our homeowners insurance. Please fax it. I just don't get all of this at all. He wants his name off the mortgage and said it didn't make sense financially to refinance because of the costs that will be tacked onto the new loan. He even said he would give me extra money for the next six months to a year until I refinanced on my own and lowered my payment. So why the 180 a day later? Because now he has decided that he wants the lower payment while the D is pending and he no longer cares whether thousands of dollars will be tacked onto the loan since it will be my responsibility later? I swear he is obsessed with the house and finances in general. I have gotten so many emails and letters regarding both. I haven't responded and don't plan on it. I need distance from him. I will no longer engage is conversations with him or anyone else who calls me names and who doesn't respect me. How's that for a boundary he can trust?
In my earlier post today I mentioned that I've been reading a lot about feminine and masculine energy. I realize that by taking care of the kids, house, bills, etc. I became the masculine energy in our relationship. I became frustrated because I wanted to be treated like the sensual woman that I am, but I was no longer in touch with that part of me. I took care of everyone else's needs instead of my own. Again, this is masculine energy. My H expected this from me since I was a SAHM. Well, one of the reasons he left is he felt that he didn't have a say in anything and that he had sacrificed his manhood. I would have to agree, but not for the reasons he thinks. Because he isn't a confident man he put himself in a position to feel the way he did and his expectations of me caused me to suppress my feminine energy. His very requirement of me caused his bad feelings about himself. I was thinking back to his on-line profile at a dating site where he stated "I know how to treat a woman." At the time I thought "you've got to be kidding me. I had wanted to be treated like a woman for the last few years and you did nothing for me." I'm starting to think that a big part of his crisis is his need to reclaim that part of himself. He needs a woman who can receive from him. I was fully functional and didn't rely on him for much even though I wanted to. He felt like he was just a paycheck and I felt like the maid. We had both forgotten about very important parts of ourselves. I might be wrong about all if this, but at the moment I'm pretty convinced that I'm on to something. I'm not sure how to use all of this to my advantage in my relationship with my H. I'm just going to focus on living more authentically, always being in touch with who I really am. It will take time to discover what this really means. I will also stop all pursuing behavior. I will be curious to see if and when my H notices my transformation. If he doesn't take notice someone else surely will.
