Letting people live their lives and GALing...

[AntoniaB]

I agree with a lot of what you say above. The thing is I am seriously extroverted. I have had periods of introversion, staying in my bubble working on my book during sabbatical, but that ended in December. But the one thing I learned is that I need to be out and about a lot or it drives me batty. I can spend maybe 2 days in the house alone and by the third, I "have" to go out and socialize. I feel weird if I don't. So since December, I never peek over the wall. I'm over the wall.

There are two "classy" restaurants I go to where I only sit at the bar as that lets me meet people when a table doesn't. (this area has very few classy places, and by classy I mean clean and not trashy, lol). I am a regular to the point where I know the entire staff of both places and I am good friends with two of the women bartenders. They introduce me to all kinds of people. I am very open and friendly to anyone I meet. But no single guys ever come in unless they are about 20 years younger and I'm not going there. They come in in "packs" with their buddies anyway. We sometimes talk but there is a big disconnect between a group of guys still in college and me, a professor. There just isn't going to be a viable friendship there.

I also go to things outside going out for dinner/drinks. I go to art galleries, poetry readings, music performances, meditation group, PTO fundraisers, etc. I used to not allow students to connect with me on FB because I didn't want them crossing the boundary to my personal life, but now I do if they friend me. I am like their "den mother" as most are young women and they seek advice. I get a lot of "can I confide in you about my relationship" type things...because they seem to think I am like a big sister.

What I'm getting at is that I am really open to meeting people and I am very friendly and outgoing. I take advantage of every outlet possible to make new connections. And no matter where I look, people are married or in long-term committed relationships. At all age ranges.

I was hit on pretty hard in the past month by 2 different men at different times. One was married and one had a long-term girlfriend. I immediately pointed this out and got "so, she's not here now" or "well, let me just say my wife TRIES to write but can't, but maybe you and I could get together and you could offer some pointers." I do not know where the single men are who are intelligent and respectful.

I tried the online dating route. Disaster. Single men my age who had never been in a relationship more than 2 or 3 months--who couldn't hold a conversation because their anxiety over meeting in person was so bad--versus men who were downright raunchy and disrespectful and wanted only one thing and weren't afraid to say it.

It's just really bleak. As for my guarded friend, he's made a lot of statements that show he isn't interested. One was the whole "I won't date someone I work with." Two was "I'm too old for you" (he is 50 and I am 43 and while I don't care in his case, he does, he thinks this is too big a gap). Another is the fact that I can tell he is completely enamored with another female coworker whom he is best friends with and she is married, and they have this bond that many of us speculate is more than friends though we guess they never act on it. PLUS, he reminds me of my ex-husband in too many ways. Probably a reason I'm attracted to him! So he's just not a viable candidate to even date.

I've thought about asking for a FWB arrangement with him, but he has 2 or 3 other FWB partners and I just think that's kind of scary ;-) I couldn't go there.

The one good thing about all of this being without someone in my life is that my creativity is THROUGH THE ROOF. I've never written better in my life, never had more ideas, never produced so much. I am enormously confident in my writing and thinking abilities now and I never was before. So I guess there is that ;-) I can always hope some guy reads my book coming out and says "I simply MUST meet this woman!!" and then seeks me out, ha ha...it sounds like something out of a silly movie ;-)