looking for hope

[jc180]

So the work trip was a bust. I only worked one day. While I was there I took my drug test and filled out my paperwork for the new job. Also, my attorney called to check the progress of my negotiations with my wife. I told him She does not want to discuss it with me and she wants to handle it in court. He said out original agree,ent obly took us through the temp hearing. So now I have to pay him another sum to for the final court date. My wife is definitely trying to starve me of my funds. I am almost broke and I was hoping that weekend job would have paid me for at least 4 days.

I have been keeping to my goals this week. No more snooping even though when i get sad I want to check her Facebook page. I also have to keep reminding my self to focus on the positive. But it is hard sometimes because instead of thinking about her moving on with her life and who she might be with I start daydreaming about reconsiliation scenarios. I imagine what will happen when she wants to stay married. I don't think either focus is healthy. I really need to focus more on me. I started my 5 year plan. I think it is looking good. I just need to think about it more.

Ive been second guessing some of my actions lately. I think when my wife texted how was I doing a few weeks ago I should have replied that same day. She also asked if I wanted to see my son. Could that have been an excuse to see me? Ever since then she has not spoken to me in person at all. I know I shouldn't mind read but I really wish I knew the right actions or words to bring us closer. This hopelessness is drowning me. I thought things were supposed to get easier with time. The "no more mr nice guy" book is good. Not all of it applies to me so far but it is early in the book.

I believe I am in the last resort technique. However how do I let her know I am GAL if she doesn't speak to me.