I didn't see that post but went back to read it. Funny, if I had read that first and not seen you posting here, I would probably have sent you an email, too... lol.
Something that I work on is knowing the difference between someone who "cares"... and someone who is "interested"... I don't know if this is going to make sense, but I'll try to explain it...
About 15 years ago, I was at a retreat with a group of people I didn't otherwise know. Close to the end of the week, I was invited by one of the people to visit her that evening to get my hair cut. Very benign and innocent.
When I arrived, I was fairly overwhelmed by what happened, but knew that my take from that evening was an experience I would never forget. The appartment was being shared by four people, only one of whom was single (and very cute, about my age).
From the moment I walked in the door, these ladies surrounded my and began an evening of me just being pampered. They made me comfortable, I got my hair cut, I hung out and chatted with them, and at one point, I was laying on one of the beds and they began to take turns feeding me, both with utensils and without...
What I learned was: a) not everyone who is nice to me has a negative, ulterior motive, b) I can open up to being cared for and unconditionally loved, without any other relationship motive, c) I am worthy of being loved, d) enjoy the moments for memories made, e) my only boundaries (walls) are they ones I have created and enforce and they are the difference between me hiding away in a bubble, or me opening up to what the world has to offer
What I also learned was, if I do not make myself available... if I hide in my bubble and behind my boundaries... I am not giving the world my all and the world... the universe... God... gives me back only what I can handle... If I want more than what I have... I have to give more of myself and I will get more back... I can peek over the wall and wish... or I can open the gate and step out...
We are all mirrors... I'd bet you are guarded with your guarded friend... I'd bet that if you genuinely opened up to him, he'd open up more to you... were you willing to risk that, before? Probably not... would you be willing to risk that now, or in the future? And could you do that without expectations? Only you know that answer... I'm not saying "go for it"...
But as they say:
"When the student is ready, the teacher appears..."
"When you stop seeking something you want, it finds you"
That goes for both the co-worker... as well as the guy you'd been seeing...
In regards to your male friends who are M... be DB about it... include their Ws... be transparent with their Ws... even the ones who you feel don't like or trust you...
I think you are doing fine and like my friend... there's no need to rush... there's plenty of love to get and give that does not have to include a R... and when that time finally comes... you'll know... and you'll finally be ready for it...
