My other concern is that she has said quite a few times in this process that she wants me to go out and have more of a social life independent of her... and that she hopes I'll find someone else that makes me happy one day, so we can both move on.
I did this too. First I did honestly want him to be happy and had decided that I just wasn't that person. It hurt so hard to say that our relationship was over and the silver lining that he might be happy with someone made that a bit better
Like your W I was the first to date, flirt, have attention from the opp sex and I felt guilty. Here I was going out and having fun and he was sitting at home. Encouraging him to go out and meet someone relieved some of that guilt.
If I could tell a WAS anything it would be don't do this. I regret this a million times over. I'm not sure if I would have come to my senses and decide that I could make him happy and we could be happy together before he found someone, but I hate that I was the one to encourage it.
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She's living in some kind of adolescent-like MLC fantasy land about finding the 'perfect' replacement for me. I stumbled upon (really, stumbled upon... didn't snoop) her 'checklist' of the qualities her new man will have... dark and handsome, strong, physically fit, wealthy, adores children/loves my son, expressive, always optimistic, puts her on a pedestal, adventurous, funny, blah, blah, blah... sounds pretty good!
She believes she will find this Prince in 2012. (It does not describe any of the men she's been pursuing to date... they, I suppose, are the toads she's kissed along the way). [Sorry -- I can't help but chuckle to myself a little].
I did all this too. All of it! Seriously, here's the real truth. You are that checklist. You are everything she once wanted. Every single part of that checklist contains a bit of you. In fact if you look closely it's probably aspects of yourself that you've lost along the way. Are you less optimistic than when you two first met? Do you only complain or grumble about life to her? (maybe because you feel comfortable to be yourself) I dated quite a few guys (toads) I just liked the attention. I'd felt so alone for so long. I am betting that's what she's doing.
Like you two, we are in another country. And you know what...no one else she meets in that country will have your shared history. Can imitate the accent from the town you once lived in back home, will know those local dishes, culture, traditions, etc. You two have a shared history and everyone else will feel slightly foriegn. Just like going to a costume party, it might be fun to try on a different idea of herself when she dates someone but they won't ever be home. REMEMBER THAT!!!
This being said the stealing, the psychics are completely out of line. She wouldn't do that to a relative, a friend, or a roommate and she shouldn't be allowed to do that to you. You need to let her know that in no uncertain terms.
