For clarity about the 180, I believes she expects me to stew on this all day, and unleash holy hell later - she even commented as such. Always testing.
I'm going to let it go and focus on me. . . .
OnMyWay,
I could be wrong, but in reading your backstory, it seems to me that "letting it go" is hardly a "180" for you. In fact, I think that's what she expects you to do. Or perhaps you've been "passive-aggressive" in the past, and would veer between meekly letting things like this slide and then an angry outburst about it.
I think a middle-ground, "lovingly but firmly" as I mentioned above might be a TRUE "180" FOR YOU.
Starsky
btw, this ^^^ is what your wife will be expecting you to do today, and in the next few days. Either passively let it go, or pursue her all "melty man," or passive-aggressively do those things and holler at her.
Do neither. Lovingly but firmly tell her "I will not share my wife with another man. We've both made horrible mistakes in this area in our marriage, and I can now see the pain and the damage it does, and an affair is no way to deal with the problems we have in our marriage. I'm fully ready to address my parts of this, but NOT while you are in contact with another man. Looks like we both have a lot of thinking to do."
