Golf Mom, Lol.... I think I've met my twin. This is how I wish my relationship would be with Xh too. WE go on our journesy to come back to one another, and settle back in, but to a great life with an old friend.
Given we have faith in God GM, think about your prayers and your intentions. I write them down in a notebook and I keep it. Read them like your matra's. Im pretty amazed that all I've prayed for is starting to happen.
I believe in the power of prayer and intention. I knew for months that someone was going to give between us, and in reality I wanted it to. It just couldn't continue on. I prayed to God and let him know that I was aware that I needed to work on myself and so did XH. I remember one morning saying and just knowing we needed to separate because it was the only way we'd figure ourselves out.
Once again this is me thinking that what I pray for will follow suit of every detail I have imagined. I imagined if we were to separate it would be under the mutual circumstances of a controlled separation, working towards reconnecting in our marriage. Well it didn't work out the way I imagined it.
As I stand back, obeserve, and "let go"...(in tiny incriments) LOl, I see that everything I've prayed about IS coming to fruition. Im just too wrapped up in it not going the way I expected it to see the forrest for the trees sometimes.
And sometimes, Im even scared of that forrest too.
I've heard of the 4 agreements, I will check it out and the library and give it ago.
Friday's must be my backslide day. My H sent me yet another email regarding the house. I called for clarification and it turned into a battle with him saying "you're crazy" and "you're lying." Looking back that's how he handled a lot of our tough conversations along with saying "you're too emotional." Why the put downs? I was being cordial to him and he started attacking me because I misinterpreted some information.
I could kick myself for starting in on his dating next. I've been sick about it since he told me a week ago. I again asked him if he was seeing any one seriously and he said no. So in others words, he seems to just be looking for sex partners which was the jist of his on-line profile that I found in December. I'm fully aware that it could all change if he met someone that he connected with. I can't even go there. I told him that I didn't want to discuss our relationship, but that I would continue to hope that we will reconcile unless he tells me there is no chance of that. I know, big mistake. There were no tears this time, though, so that was an improvement.
I'm trying to think of this as a journey that we both need to take (even though I may not have chosen it) and while we both explore what we want and need in life, we have a chance to choose each other again. And as one of the other poster's mentioned, my H seems to be scraping the bottom of the barrel. It hurts because I think I'm a much higher quality person than the OW, but I'm trying to concentrate on my bad habits and fix those, as I'll need to before I get into a relationship with anyone. Maybe I should take comfort in the fact that he could do so much better that maybe this OW won't last too long, but who knows? It would be easier to be able to skip to the end of the book and read the final chapter, to know if my DB efforts make a difference, but this is real life so I just have to take it one day at a time.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
golf mom, The comments "your crazy" and "your lying" is total projection and to throw you off so that your focus in now on defending yourself and not questioning him.
BTW, do not believe anything he tells you and only 50% of what he does. He's dating someone and he's not going to tell you whether it's serious or not. Lying becomes a natural part of their life, i.e., just like breathing. In his mind, you are not his mother, therefore, he doesn't have to tell you anything. He is going to tell you what he thinks you want to here to "protect you" from any hurt associated w/what he's doing. It's bs.
Please, please stop trying to have discussions about your relationship and reconciling...you are putting additional pressure on him and he's going to run fast and hard from you. If you have any chance of getting him back, you have to leave him alone and no discussions about your relationship! What you hear from him will break your heart each and every time. You don't need that right now.
Please pick up a copy of Solo Partner and read it. I recommended this book to many back in 2000-2002 on the thread called Highly Recommended Reading Materials. It is an excellent book. Wendy has also recommended to you as well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sweetie, this is still so new to you so, of course you are trying to understand it all.
Here's the thing. The crisis they are in is something we cannot understand. And trying to will make you crazy.
So, it is best not to try too much to make sense of it.
The best thing for you to do is to put your marriage safely in a box for now.
Look within to figure out what things about you that you feel need changing. Not the things he is throwing out you, but, the real things YOU want to change.
Then think about the person you want to become. Think about things you have always wanted to try, places you have always wanted to go, classes you might want to take.
GM, I know that your natural instinct is to want to hold on and have contact in anyway you can. But it really is not good for you.
This is a journey he needs to take on his own. And it is best if you just get out of the way of it.
Your part right now is to become the best you. Be the person you were meant to be.
You want him to see a different you. A woman of strength and pride and dignity.
Remember though, the changes have to be real.
So, no more calling him. You're too busy getting a life and helping your children navigate through this, right?
Snodderly, thank you so much for all of the reminders and for the book recommendation. I will look for it today. I know I need to get to a better place. I'm just torchering myself right now. I'm so frustrated with myself for backsliding again. I have in big letters on the bathroom mirror "Do the opposite of what you feel" and Hope = Change. I keep backsliding on Friday, I believe, because by then I'm exhausted from the work week. I'm tired of raising kids alone. I just want this horrible situation to change. I am not picking up the phone to call him again.
Thank you, Brookie. You must be tired of repeating the same message to me. I do hear you, really. I need to come up with a list of things that I am going to do instead of calling him. I just don't trust myself right now. When I initiate the call it is for a financial or logistical matter, but once that's done then I turn it to our relationship. I know I'm not going to get the answers that I want and that I can't trust what he tells me. I'm just so tired of the pain of this and the burden of having such bad feelings.
