Yes, I'm trying to see it as a MLC or depression. While I don't like either of those, I can realize that he really doesn't have much control right now and I need to give him space to find out what he wants and make his own mistakes. I can only hope that the mistakes aren't too big, but I can't stop them, so I need to stop overthinking the sitch or trying to change anything. He did love you at one time, and now he's just confused and probably trying not to lead you on at all while he figures out what's going on. It's very tough, and I'm tempted to relive every moment of the past to see what went wrong, but that's just a waste of my time.
Take care of yourself and just be patient to see what unfolds. I need to take that advice myself, so I know how difficult it is.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
Reading through your story, it sounds like you were in a really strong place when this happened - stay strong (even if you don't feel like it now, you are!), you will get through it!
you sound like you're in a much different space then several months ago. it's a difficult time for sure.. but i know you're going to come out of it a stronger person.. just like you have been doing all along.
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
I survive by believing he has lost his mind but what if he just lost all his love. What if he is completely sane??
So sorry BM. ((((BM)))). This statement above caught my attention. You are standing strong and I believe you will continue to do so. Just a reminder that this strength is yours. The statement above leads me to think you still have some hooks into your H as a source for your happiness and survival. I completely understand that, but as a friend just need to point it out. Your H will not make you happy regardless of whether or not your M is restored. And if that feeling is coming across to your H in any way, it may be more pressure that he can handle because he will never succeed at making you happy. No one can because that is up to you alone.
This is just my opinion and it is colored with my own situation. You had asked me about why a nice guy breaks and I've been thinking about that some more. My W has said she put expectations on me that we're not realistic. She wanted a "perfect" life and somehow thought that marrying me would provide that. When reality hit, I felt the blame and frustration of this disappointment. I carried the weight of her lost dream as my fault. While I did not leave, I did withdraw within myself to protect myself from the expectations I could never meet. That was not right of me but that's what I did.
I hope this week goes better for you. This is so much to deal with but I have no doubt you van do it. Wish there was a way to do it without the emotional pain but it seems that just comes with the territory. Hang in there.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
"The alcoholic's hidden guilt and unhappiness may reveal themselves in torrents of explosive temper and accusations, to which the spouse impulsively reacts by feeling hurt, until she learns in Al-Anon that it is futile to take these outbursts seriously. She thinks he really means what he is saying, which compels her to defend herself against his unjust attacks by fighting back. She doesn't realize that his rage is really at himself and that he must vent it on the nearest person. He knows from experience that he will get the reaction he wants, which helps ease his guilt feelings." from The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage.
(((BK)))
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
So I had a really good weekend without the girls. Mentally I have crossed over to a new place. I rehearsed talking to acqauintances about sitch with a friend. Very helpful. Later in the weekend told 2 people about my sitch, without being a victim and without telling more then I want to. I feel ready to tell the whole neighborhood that I am separated. (Lets see if I actually do it)
Have a lot more to write but I'll have to jump on again later
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
When H brought the girls home on Monday from a trip to see his parents. He was icy cold and only stayed the minimum amount of time necessary to complete the drop off.
I called my father to tell him about the interaction. Then I texted my father
"Maybe he heard it from his family this weekend too"
But whoops I sent the text to H
H texted back "?"
I wrote honestly "Thought maybe you were so cold cause your family spoke to you"
No response. Not surprised. H avoids all conflicts and all conversations. In the end I am happy I sent the text to the wrong guy, gave me an opportunity to be honest with H
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
