All the work I've done, well I am stronger for it and more aware, more skilled, more knowledgeable, and will put it all to good use one day down the road (already am putting it to good use!).
I'll give myself some time to get used to this first and see how it goes. I'll be in touch
Thanks WH. I had a pretty emotional day, but managed to make myself as distracted as possible. Yeah, my H last night said that he did see all the changes I made, and that he sensed they were quite deep. However, his resentment is such that he can't let it go. After 2 years??? I think it's more a choice at this point frankly. Yes, it is their loss. So, I am happy to let go and get some peace in myself.
Hi Yankee
I'm really sorry about the developments over the last few days for you. I've been really busy @ UNI & haven't had any time to visit these boards (haven't really got time to be here now - deadlines hitting me hard).
I think for you, as you had been getting stronger and stronger & realising what it is that you want from a relationship & what's important to you, this was going to come to a head.
Although this is still sinking in for you & you are somewhat grieving again, I think you were emotionally ready to either make a go of it with your H or move on.
2 years stuck in limbo is a hell of a long time & noone can say that you didn't fight hard to save your M.
I've been in limbo what 3 months? and it [censored]. My sitch is different because of the kids & the confessed affair, but ultimately everyone's sitch is very similar and whatever the complications it still hurts either way.
I'm probably not going to post on here for a couple of weeks as I really need to knuckle down with these last 2 assignments @ UNI.
I just wanted to check in & say hi & let you know I'm thinking about you.
Keep your head high Yankee & make sure you do something nice @ the weekend to take your mind of all of this while it's still raw.
take care
Bill
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
Well, I spoke to my H at length to tell him I will be moving on. We got into a very long discussion, and he is scared of letting go. He also said he is afraid he is throwing the baby out with the bathwater - I agreed with him. In fact, I was as agreeable as I could be about everything. I told him the amount of rejection is just about enough for me now, and it is all very harsh.
He also said he was thinking of going to another country - and that's when it hit me that he is 2 years into an MLC. He loves this country - always has. So, when he mentions he is considering leaving, something is seriously not right. I kind of knew already, but now I really know. His speed for wanting a divorce is also a tell tale sign. He keeps talking about how confused he is, and doesn't know which way to turn.
Our conversation was long and emotional, and I just need to take a step back for my own sake. But, I apologised for all the 'wrongs' I have done. I am still getting the majority of the blame, though I did notice in this latest conversation that he is taking more responsibility and saying that he knows there are some things he wished he hadn't done, and he wasn't all 'right' in our marriage.
If he ever gets clear vision, he will see it was not all that bad actually!! But, having gone through this myself, I understand his perspective.
In fact, he said that when we had the move last week, he felt so comfortable with me, and really enjoyed it. And, you know what guys - I was being my genuine self. None of that Stepford Wife business (been there, done that - doesn't work!) Still, all it did was cause him more confusion he said.
I can't seem to win - MLC is the worst!!
Knowing that he is in MLC - and I had my own 3 years ago which I came out of after 1 year - and which I think is what triggered his - we are working in tandem.
For that, I am torn between helping him get through his MLC or just leaving to keep my peace and happiness. On the other hand, I feel like I need to lead him a little bit, as I do sense him taking the lead from me. We do have so little time together and so little contact, but whatever little there is he is following a few suggestions here and there. Then, on yet another hand (I don't have that many hands!), I have been trying to steer this for 2 years already. It's HARD WORK!!
So, I have some contemplation to do. I don't think I want to go much longer without some sort of romance, so I will have to consider how much longer I am willing to deal with all this. It could take another 2 years for all I know!
I will find my way through to the best decision for me.
Thanks YC. I looked it over. Who would have thought you need a psychology degree to divorce bust? Yeesh!!
I understand Where they are coming from for sure. Thing is H seems to resent me for everything that is wrong Or not perfect. And I don't know of he would ever be willing to sit down and talk to me about those things.
But I see the importance of validation. I will definitely keep it in mind.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Nice link. It's nice to see an outside source with the same set of instructions. Makes me think maybe a happy outcome is possible.
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
